


Innuendos

by Hoodoo



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: F/M, Grocery Shopping, Just Rick In Public In General, Mild Sexual Content, Rating for Language and Suggestiveness, Rick Being an Asshole, Rick Embarrasssing You, Sexual Humor, Suggestive Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 00:17:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13846050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hoodoo/pseuds/Hoodoo
Summary: You just needed to get some grocery shopping done. Rick turned it into athing.





	Innuendos

**Author's Note:**

> for tumblr anon: Rick dirty talking to you in a public place?

“Look at those melons!”

You whip around towards Rick. The man had no filter, and the last thing you needed was him making a comment about some lady, who was going to be offended and you were going to need to calm down. You had _asked_ him to stay in the car, but he tagged along and now—

He was hefting a cantaloupe.

He chose one, then dug through the display and picked out another, and brought them both to your cart.

You sigh, and continue shopping. 

In the deli aisle, Rick picked up and waved around a whole salami. He asked, loudly, if this was the kind of meat you liked? Was it your favorite meat?

Your face felt hot as you grabbed the salami in one hand and his wrist in the other.

“Don’t be so r-r-rough with it, baby,” he admonished. “You gotta handle it-handle it _gently.”_

You give him dirty look as he put the salami in the cart too.

“Really, Rick? I asked you to stay in the car because I knew you hated grocery shopping, and now you’re just being awful. You want to go back to the produce section? You missed the opportunity to ask if I wanted my salad tossed.”

He had the cheekiness to look scandalized. 

“We’re in _public!”_ he scolded, looking around dramatically, as if to make sure no one was offended.

You flip him off and go back to shopping. 

Through the store, he makes a few more comments: something about juicy breasts near the butcher’s counter; another remark wondering if you liked putting bologna in your m outh; there was something about putting his hot dog in your bun—he said a lot near the meat counter, you stopped paying attention—he made some aside asking if he could double-stuff your Oreo, and once, when you found him in the freezer section, he said you reminded him of ice cream because he liked both dripping down his fingers. 

At that point you left the cart and walked away.

A couple of seconds later, Rick hurried after you, pushing the shopping cart. 

“Baby, baby—wait! I’m sorry!”

With another sigh, you stop.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he repeated. 

“You need to knock it off, Rick! I _shop_ here, and you’re going to get us thrown out—“ you started to berate, when you glance into the cart.

He’d arranged the cantaloupes and the salami to make a suggestive visual.

“—oh, real mature, Rick!” you interrupted yourself. “Nice. A dick and balls. Smartest man in the universe, and this is how you express yourself—“

He stepped up close into your personal space. 

“It’s not a dick and balls, baby,” he said, in a voice that was very low. You could feel the vibration of it in his chest. “It’s my dick and your tits—I’m gonna take you home, strip you naked, and titty-fuck you. Then I’m gonna take a marker and write ‘breakfast’ on your right leg and ‘lunch’ on the left, and because I can’t resist snaking between meals, I’m gonna eat you out till you cream. Then I’m gonna fuck you silly with my own vegan-friendly meat. And like that pizza chain slogan says, if I don’t gonna come in thirty minutes, the next one’s free. Sound good?”

“Sounds great,” you admit, and he drags you out of the store, leaving the cart behind. 

_fin._


End file.
